I was supposed to meet a friend in Livingston, New Jersey and had arrived about a half-hour before the designated meeting time. Nearby was a "Toys 'R' Us" store with a big window sign that read "Now Accepting Applications: Sales and Managerial Positions." I asked for an application and then the fun began. My friend and co-worker Bruce asked me, "What are you going to do when the dyslexics start to portest?," to which I responded "What are they gonna do? Send me heat mail?!

I was diegnosed with dyslexia about 20 years ago and regard it as a source of good humor for myself all the time because I can laugh at myself to which I can't understand why others take it so serious and get upset/mad at their dyslexic errors. As most sports fans already know, both of New York City's major-league baseball teams will have new stadiums in 2009. A new Yankee Stadium is being built next to the old "House That Ruth Built" in the Bronx, and the Mets' Shea Stadium will yield to the new CitiField being erected next-door in Queens. Once at Talking Books, a narrator rendered the term "martial law" as "marital law." The actor stopped himself, but I facetiously said, "Nah. martial law, marital law--they're the same thing. We can keep your first pronunciation." (We ended up fixing it...I'm not given to compromising the text-purity of a recorded book). I came home from work tonight to find a note from my girlfriend which said, “I’m leaving you because you’re so stupid and bigoted.”A buddy of mine suffers from dyslexia, paranoia and he’s agnostic. He’s scared all the time wondering is there is a Dog. The stand-ups I admire the most are all gag-men, people who could write a really good short funny joke,” he says. “Emo Philips, Steven Wright, Milton Jones, Mitch Hedberg, Max Miller, Ken Dodd, Henny Youngman, Bob Monkhouse and Rodney Dangerfield. To me, this was a "throwaway," but various friends, however, thought it was funny. My response was: "Please, I can come up with better jokes in my sleep..." It turns out I can. The latest dyslexic joke came to me in a dream a week later on Sunday, 01-21-2007: The goal of the Borg is to "assimilate" all sentient beings into their collective. They usually announce "You will be assimilated."

But even if most dyslexics are very intelligent, dyslexia jokes can at times be funny. Not all of these jokes are exceptionally funny, but a few of them make me laugh. So I'm sharing them with you. If they make you laugh, that's great. If they make you offended, why are you reading them to begin with? I just figured that there's one benefit to having an age in multiples of 11 (11, 22, 33, 44, 55, etc.). Those are great ages to remember in the event you're dyslexic. A dslexic man walked into a bra. His wife's washing was hanging out to dry and he wasn't looking where he was going. The man's dyslexia was admittedly pretty irrelevant to the event. It seems the United States Postal Service has already ruined this one. The price of the standard first-class stamp will be increasing next month (May 2007) from 39-cents to 41-cents. The punchline with the lower amount, 14 cents, doesn't quite cut it.My doctor wrote me a prescription for "dailysex"... But the wife had to break it to me that it was actually for "dyslexia".

I proclame that with the new age of technology and computers coupled with the power of the internet that the word nerd shall be rewritten as nird...its more arrowdynamic. Not to be outdone, John Schnall came up with one. When I asked him how it was that we have yet to get any hate mail from dyslexics, he offered "maybe they're sending it to yahoo-at-thatderek-dot-com."police were called to a dyslexic rave. some of the people were taking F's. some others were injecting herons. O.K so I cant spell mi way ot ov a peper bag, but i stil hs vry god self asteem so it dosnt mater that i has this ishew. Speaking of South Africa, last year’s World Cup Soccer gave rise to the “vuvuzela” horns. Duncan observed: I’ll give you an example. We’ve just got a little dog. It was my turn to walk him, and as I was leaving the house my wife reminded me: ‘Don’t forget poobags?’. Talking casually gives you more leeway for jokes. If it were on Radio 4, she should have said ‘Don’t forget the poobags’. She didn’t say the ‘the’ because in real life we don’t talk proper, but technically that changes the meaning. I really can't believe that there are dyslexic people out there who are so outragesly offend! Seriously, take a chill pill! Dude. Come on. I'm am 20 years old and dyslexic. In high school I had an english teacher who did not consider dyslexia to be a "serious problem." I am still afraid to tell my profs about my condidtion. Yet, inspite of all this, I am still able to laugh about it. And these are harmless jokes. Seriously,

Here's half a joke I just can't seem to follow through on. In it, I'd like the punchline to involve turning the name "T.S. Eliot" into the word "toilets," and then tying it in somewhat scatalogically with the title of Eliot's great poem "The Waste Land." Readers? Two doctors working in a small town clinic had to hire a new nurse after the one that previously worked there retired. They interviewed Nurse Nora and she gave a great interview so they decided to hire her.Below in the DEREK ORIGINALS section, there’s the one about the dyslexic confusing the MTA (as the Metropolitan Transit Authority subway systems in New York and Boston are known) and ATM’s; Nate S. sent in a variant In want of a joke confusing TSA airports patdowns and the Scholastic Aptitude Test, Webmaster John Schnall helped me compose this one: She had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse Nancy go. I saw my friend stood outside the doctor’s today. He looked really worried and upset so I asked him, “What’s the matter?” Yes, but you’ve been staring at my chest for the past minute, what’s your problem?” says the barmaid.